My daughters broken Heart

We had to get rid of my daughters cats. The 2 cats would not stop using the bathroom inside no matter what I tried. One cat liked to pee inside the closets or if all the closet doors were closed she would find a place behind something. The other cat had a favorite spot in the corner of the living room.  I would clean the carpet as soon as I discovered they had used the bathroom but the smell started to get bad inside the house.    I tried letting them outside as much as possible to help cut down on their accidents but it didn't help. 

   My husband bought new wood flooring for the house, we were finally going to get rid of that 1970s shag carpet.  I was so excited about the flooring then came the bad news... We have to get rid of the cats first. For months the flooring has sat stacked on my carport for months my husband has kept his word... I am not putting this flooring in until the cats are  gone. 

     A guy that he worked with wanted the cats to live on his farm and help keep the rodents out of his barn.  This was the best option for 2 grown cats so we agreed to allow him to take the cats. Little did I know just how horrible this would be for my daughter........

   

 

She is so heart broken and I do not not know how to help her understand.   My own heart breaks every time I look at her face and see her blood shot eyes.  She may never forgive me for this.   When she looks at me I know that she is hating me and I cant take it . I was supposed to protect her from this kind of pain. She trusted me to never let anyone hurt her and yet I failed to do that today.   I never want her heart to be broken again but sadly I know that this moment is just the beginning.  There is no feeling worse than knowing your child is hurting in a way you can not kiss away.

    I would be lying if I didn't say That I didn't hate my husband right now.  He was the one who made choice  arranged it all and gave the final demand that the cats must go and yet he is not the one sitting here with a broken hearted sobbing little girl in his lap.   He is patting himself on the shoulder thinking how proud he is of himself for standing his ground . He thinks he is a man but all I see when I look at him is a coward .   He should be the one comforting his daughter. He should be feeling guilty for breaking her heart.  

    If breaking my daughters heart can change how I look at my own husband a man I have been with for 17 years A man that I forgave for breaking my own heart  how will I feel when some random jackass teenager breaks her heart?   How will I control my own emotions enough to help her through?  Will I sit there sobbing right beside her like I am now?   How do I tell her that the worst feeling she has ever had will happen again and again in her life?   How do I tell her that loving something means you accept all the pain that might come along with it one day.

     I don't know what to say except I am sorry.  Inside my own heart is torn apart and I want to hate someone so much.    I want to say fuck you as I walk out to go get her cat back.  I want to say I don't give a shit about smells or floors I just want my daughter to be happy again.... I want her cats back!!!

SCHOOL BUS

    What if he gets left behind?    What if he gets lost?  What if he gets on the wrong bus?   What if he hears the older kids talking?
         My husband couldn't understand why I didn't want our son riding the bus. To be honest the only reason was because  I wanted to take him to school everyday to be on first name bases with all his teachers and I wanted to join the PTO .  I was going to be " that Mom" ! 
           I took him to school everyday and everyday he cried his little heart out.   I would spend all day wondering how long he cried for me and feeling like crap for leaving him.    .
     Every day of kindergarten I walked him to class with his little brother asleep in my arms and everyday I would have to get someone to peal him off my leg and walk away as he cried for me.  
  During the summer  between kindergarten  and first grade not only did I find myself pregnant with my third child The school changed administrators.   The first day of school I was greeted at the door like many other parents with the news that we would no longer be allowed to walk our children to class.  We were giving 2 weeks to adjust then we must drop our kids off in the car rider line.    My son cried everyday of those 2 weeks.    On the third week of school I drove through the car rider line and fought my son out of the car as he begged me not to leave him.  Worried about him being so upset I drove around the school  and walked in.  I found my first grader  standing in the 5th grade hall scared and crying.    The car rider line came in on different side than he was used to and he got lost.    I left him in his class room crying with hopes that one day it would get easier.  On my way out of the school I was approached by the new vice principle who very sternly reminded me of their new policy.   I tired to explain to him what had happen but he wasn't listening.
      The next morning My son refused to get out of the car in the car rider line. He cried repeatedly telling me he was scared and didn't think he could remember his way to class.    I pulled around to the front and with My first grader at my side,  my sleeping toddler in my arm and a great big pregnant belly I walked into the school.   I walked right past the office where the vice principle came running out.   He followed me closely all the way down the hall and the more he yelled about rules the faster I walked.  Once I reached my sons class room I bent down and kissed my crying son and told him I would see him in the afternoon but before my son could protest the vice principle grabbed me by my free arm and jerked me around  yelling that I had to leave the school right now.  My son went hysterical grabbing for me The vice asswipe went to grab my son. I screamed loudly enough to wake my sleeping toddler in my arms " YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME OR MY CHILD"      I was escorted out of the school  and the law was called.
                           I wrote a letter to the editor of the news paper about my experience and my frustration with the schools lack of help or concern. I thought I would receive support from other parents but I was very wrong.    A few days after my letter was posted in the paper I was approached by another parent and asked if I had been reading the online comments about my letter.  I went online to find 3 pages of comments .   "Time to cut the apron strings"  " Another jail inmate in the making " " who does the mother think she is?"  " should have had her arrested "   " Guess who will have a 30 year old kid living in their basement"    I broke down and cried as I read the comments .  This was back before facebook,  before trolls or the perfect mom groups.  This was people in my community, my neighbors , the other parents I talked to everyday,  people I have never met and they were all bashing me.     I kept my son home from school for a day or two because I didn't know what to do or how to face all the other parents.
    When my son returned to school we had an agreement I would walk him to the front doors of the school but I couldn't come into the school or I would get into trouble .  I stood right outside the front doors with Vice asshole standing right on the other side watching me.  My son cried and begged me to stay with him or take him with me.   At some point his teachers assistant started meeting me at the front door and taking my son with her  to help me out. ( thank you !)  He would still cry all the way to school and all the way to the front doors but he would willing go with the assistant . She was so great and would say things like Lets go eat some breakfast why mommy goes and gets ready for your baby sister. This woman done what nobody else would do.. she helped me! 

                           My daughter was born in January and it was just to hard and cold to try to drag a baby and toddler out every morning and afternoon.  As much as I didn't want to I asked my son what he thought about riding the school bus for a little while. I was so worried about him crying or not wanting to get on or off the bus but it was supposed to be a temporary  thing just until it got a little warmer and the baby got a little older, 1 month maybe 2.   My son got on the school bus that morning without shedding 1 single tear and when he got off the bus in the afternoon he was full of stories.   He had made a buddy on the bus and some kid got into trouble for chewing gum. It was like some kind of adventure to him.  That evening he said Mom I want to ride the bus forever.  My son has rode the bus ever since and never cried again    When  the other two started school I took them the first day just because they have all those boxes of tissues and hand sanitizer they have to carry,  After that they rode the bus.     

               
      I like so many other parents was scared to death of letting my kids ride the school bus, but I learned that this is a great time for kids to grow.  In school kids are giving less and less time to be social and make friends . The bus is now where this happens . Its the only time the kids have to talk and learn other things besides common core .   The bus is where my son heard about sex ( sort of) Its where my daughter heard that the tooth fairy  wasn't real. Its where my middle son heard that jenny broke up with Adam because he was sitting next to Heather at lunch. Its where my daughter heard a Drake song for the first time.  All of these things are part of growing up well except the Drake song.  My kids heard it from friends just like I did as a kid and they came asking me questions just like I did my mom.   
      Parents are now quick to tell you how horrible of a mother you are for putting your kids on the school bus.   These are the parents who spend 45 minutes in the car rider line while I am sitting at home drinking wine playing on Facebook.    The same parents who told me that I needed to cut the apron strings just a few years ago. 
   The bus saved me and my son and I will never feel guilty for doing something that works best for my family!  
   
 
  .  
                           For the record 
 800 kids are killed annually during school transportation but less than 2% are bus passengers . 
The nationwide safety record For the 25 million children who do not ride the bus everyday to and from school is
     448 fatalities in passenger vehicles with a teenage driver
     169 fatalities in a passenger vehicle with an adult driver
      131 fatalities to pedestrians
     
       
   for children who ride the bus everyday to and from school
      5 passenger fatalities
15  pedestrian fatalities at bus stops
            

Confessions of a Bad Mom : Dear Daughter

Confessions of a Bad Mom : Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter

Dear daughter,

You think you have the whole world figured out and that being a teenager is going to be the greatest thing ever.

Little do you know that you are about to face some of the hardest times of your life. Yes it has been a short life with not a whole lot to compare it to , but  being a teenager sucks.  What happens to you in the next few years will seem to last forever, These times can shape you or haunt you. I am here to help you along the way , But I know our relationship is about to be tested and I am trying to prepare myself .

From the moment you were born I have treated you like you were my personal Barbie doll. I bought beautiful dresses and every cute shoe I laid eyes on. I spend hours learning to braid and gave you the biggest bow collection around. I have bought ear rings and bracelets necklaces and 10 different scarfs. I loved those little moments with you. You had no clue that I was trying to soak up as much of you as I could . Every morning that you complained about me brushing your hair was another little memory that I could hold on to. see very soon I am going to need all these little moments because our time as best friends is coming to an end.

          I have never allowed you to have a boyfriend . Even at 5 when the neighbors thought it was cute to refer to their grandson as your boyfriend , I corrected them!   
I have never allowed you to dress provocatively  .  I always made sure that you knew that brumada shorts were super cute and a Princess lea costume is way more cool than a whorish monster high one.
I have never allowed or encouraged you to shake your booty instead we two stepped and learned the steps to Michaels Jacksons smooth criminal so we could be back up dancers for your brother.
   I am hoping that all these little things I have done will help you when making decisions later on. Believe me one day all those things will seem a lot more important than they do now.   very soon I will be ruining your life and you will not be able to understand my rules and restrictions until you have a daughter of your own.

You are going to sneak and have your first boyfriend before you are 32 . You are going to borrow your friends clothes and get caught posting a twerking video on instagram. You are going to break my rules and you are going to get into trouble . You are going to hate me for not letting you get your belly pierced at 14.    You are going to try to post photos on facebook ( or whatever social network you are using) that you will swear that everyone else is allowed to post and I will make you delete them, every single time.

see all these years of being your best friend was to give me the strength to stand up to you and not be your best friend when you need a mother. To be the party pooper , the old lady, The sucky ass person, the meanest mother on the earth! I am prepared to be all of those and more ! !! I love you child but the first time I see a photo of you looking even remotely half naked I will burn all your clothes and force you wear nothing but footed sleepers to school and I will break out the old bow collection.  

I would keep writing but I think I have gave my self enough words to eat in the near future!

 

" WELFARE QUEEN "

Unless you have lived under a rock for the past 10 years then you have heard someone complaining about people on welfare.  If you have a facebook you probably see or read something daily about it.
    
I try to ignore the rude and down right uneducated remarks people make and the pictures that they share.   I often wonder how many people feel bullied and belittled by these types of things shared on social media. Can you imagine  how you might feel if you were one of the most hated people in America.   lets face it above all the  Politicians  ,  The KKK , The confederate flag , and even Gay and lesbians who want to get married  People on welfare are not only hated the most but have to endure the most judgmental accusing hate of all.
      

 

No matter their color. No matter their religious belief. No matter their sexual orientation They all hate people on welfare.   Even people on welfare hate people who receive more welfare.

  
  There is two different types of welfare social welfare  and corporate  welfare ( corporate subsidies) . 
     social welfare -
  SNAP - A food and Nutrition program better known as Foodstamps provides food assistance to 23 million households

Housing Assistance  - A program (HUD) that provides rental assistance and public housing

SSI - For disabled or blind people under the age of 65.

Pell Grants -  assistance for 9.2 million (2012) college students from low income homes.

TANF - Cash assistance to low income homes . Most states have a job requirement  to receive.

Free and Reduced school lunches  Provides free or reduced breakfast and lunch to 2.5 million school age children
 
Head Start - A preschool program

Job Training programs

WIC-  provides nutritional services to 8.7 million pregnant women and children under the age of 5.

Child Care Services  - Free or reduced child care costs  for low income homes.     Most states require at least one month employment before receiving assistance
 

LIHEAP - provides assistance with heating costs to low income homes

Lifeline   Better known as the Obama Phone,started off in 1986 to provide assistants with phone services and then  later free or reduced Cell phones  for low income homes.

Medicaid     health and medical services for 40 million families with low incomes and few resources.

So when you hear people talking about the people on Welfare they are talking about 1/3 of Americans who receive some type of assistance .

 

You have to work hard everyday because you have bills to pay and if every single person was kicked off of welfare you would still have to work just as hard to pay your bills.  The only way to not work hard would be for you to manipulate the system so that you can receive assistants yourself.

 

   

You don't have an IPhone because you have bad credit or you are not eligible  for an upgrade with your cellphone provider  yet.  because most phone companies have iPhones for a  $ .99 with 2 year contract or updated contract.   Neither one of those reasons are effected by people who receive welfare.

 

    

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 Welfare Queen,  Kid popping Peggy  , Lazy Larry,   Foodstamp Tramp,  Jobless Joe  Whatever you call them They are in fact still people!   

 

 

 



Heck I would rather Lazy Larry  get my tax dollar  Then it be sent to  some other  country,  big oil or GM . Corporate welfare is the problem .

  I like how everyone who bitches about welfare  fails to mention how JP Chase Morgan has a contract to manage EBT cards in 21 states and made more than a half a billion dollars between 2012 and 2014 off those contracts.
New York alone paid $0.95 per month per each of its 1.7 million users to JP Chase with your tax dollar and people think that Jobless Joe is the problem!

  Foodstamps is the only time you see your tax dollar come back into your community and each dollar spent on Food stamps generates $1.70 in local economy activity .
Those tax dollars which cost the average tax payer about 10 cents a day that are used for Food stamps pumped 2.43 billion dollars into my states economy in 2012. Many small mom and pop stores wouldn't even be open today if it weren't for their foodstamp using costumers. Many small business would have to shut their doors or lay employees off if it weren't for their products being bought with foodstamps.
In 2012 the average tax payer who made 50 thousand dollars a year paid $36 into Social welfare programs and $6,000  corporate subsidies to big business .  Yet single mom Sally is the problem?
     Tell me any other program where you get to see your tax dollar come back into your area?
We can't even argue about planned parenthood  because  so many people would rather pay to kill a baby than to feed a baby.  I see people post anti abortion stuff all day long then turn right around and say stop popping out kids if you can't support them and I wonder do you want them to have the baby or not???   
   Shit I say give lying Larry and kid popping Peggy  their food stamps cause I would rather see my neighbor eating steaks than I would see another politician take a golf trip on my tax dollar or GM get another bailout while they use their personal jets to pick up the check!
          

 

        So everyone is  mad over the people on welfare who don't pay taxes but drive big new SUVs and have iphones .   When they bought that SUV they paid sales tax on it .  If they are making payments on it they are paying taxes on it. If they live in my state they are paying a yearly property tax on it.     When they bought that cell phone they paid taxes on it when they pay their monthly bills they are paying taxes.   Nobody except politicians  get to live tax free  solely off of your tax dollars

        When you complain about people on welfare you are not talking to the small percent of people who abuse the system you are talking to your neighbor who used Pell Grants to be a nurse. You are talking to your blind friend who receives SSI . You are talking to a family who doesn't know any other way. You are talking to half of your community and making them feel worse than they already do.

   

No this wasn't politically correct and my grammar is even worse but my point is clear stop judging people!!!!    

 Imagine waking up tomorrow and not knowing how you are going to feed your family. Maybe you lost your job or you over spent and now you have no money for groceries Your kids are hungry and the cabinets are bare what do you do? Do you think one single person who hates welfare is going to offer to buy your groceries or help you in any way? No they are only going to point fingers at you and tell you how you don't deserve to be a parent if you cant feed your kids. They are going to tell you how you should have thought about that before having sex. They will call you lazy and tell you what a burden you are on society. It doesn't matter if you have worked hard for 10 years and a broken leg has put you out of work for 3 months . It doesn't matter if you were just fired from the factory that you worked at for 20 years. It doesn't matter that you are swimming in debt of student loans and have yet to find a job. It doesn't matter if you were in a abusive relationship and trying to start over . It doesn't matter that you suffer from a mental dieses or addiction and cant not feed your children any other way.  YOU ARE A WERLFARE BUM IN THE EYES OF YOUR PEERS!

Put Your Guns Away!

She is so cute hope you got a gun. .. Better get your guns ready... Meet him on the front porch with a shot gun.  ..
       Daddy's put your guns away because I am raising my sons right!
  
        I am tired of this boys will be boys type of trash. Boys will be men, men who need to be respected respected by your daughters.  How will your daughter ever respect my son if her whole life she has heard how daddy needs a gun to protect her against him?   Why is it you just can't teach your daughter to make better choices with men then you will not need a gun at all!
          Your daughter deserves to be respected but so does my son! My son deserves to know he can protect himself when your daughter goes bat shit crazy and decides to hit him repeatly.  So while you are teaching your daughter that a man can never hit a woman I am teaching my sons to never resort to violence but defend yourself as needed. 

     Your daughter deserves out of a relationship with my son exactly what she puts into it. So while you are teaching your daughter that she is a princess and deserves that big house on the hill solely because she has a Vagina I am teaching my sons that a good education and hard work is how you earn that big house.  
  
 Your daughter needs to be treated like a princess but only if she treats my son like Prince. Being a woman earns her nothing! While you are teaching your daughter that men should treat her like a queen I am teaching my sons to treat others how they want to be treated.

    Your daughter deserves to have a good father for her children but my son deserves the chance to be a good daddy which includes the choice to be a stay at home dad without being called a bum because I wouldn't call your daughter a bum if she choose to stay at home and raise their children.   While you are teaching your daughter that she doesn't need a man to raise a baby, I am teaching my son to fight like hell to be part of his child life. 

   Now maybe I should meet your daughter at the door with a shot gun and a pack of birth control! !

Top 10 People I hate

People I hate...

1. People who stand to close to me in line.  If I can feel your breath on my neck you are to close ! This creeps me out so bad, like are they trying to see my information so they can kid nap me later ?

2 . People who say " your welcome" when I didn't say thank you.  Maybe there is a reason I didn't say Thank you maybe because I am not thankful and you suck !

3. Women who complain or brag about their post baby bodies, before their postpartum check up.  You should be falling in love with every part of your baby not worrying what you look like in the mirror!

4. People who think their stuff is better just because its Thiers .  like how their stock car will out run any other car. I guess them owning it gave the car more horse power or something. 

5. Girls who think they can't do something solely because they are a girl !  You can't do it because you were never taught or you just didn't want to learn. Gender is just a box we check on applications it doesn't choose what we are capable of.

6. These  people who go on crash diets and post about ever single pound they lose but never say a word when they gain it back... if I had to read about your kale shake and 10 mile walk to lose 3 pounds I want to hear about your glass of Pepsi , your big Mac sandwich and how you gained 5 pounds ..

7. Anyone who thinks their way is the only way!... your way is best for you but that doesn't mean its best for everyone! 

8. People who believe in stereotypes and label other people... labels are for soup cans not for people! My hair, clothing or type of music I listen to doesn't define who I am ...

9. People who just show up at my house unexpected.  I have 3 kids, I need at least a 3 hour warning  so I can scrap the gum off my couch and clean the shit off the back of the toilet..(still have no clue how that happens...)

10.  People with no sense of humor.  If you don't find it funny keep your trap shut I don't need to know that you don't think its funny. Just let me laugh , hell laugh along and we can laugh at each other !

...........and this people is why I have no friends....