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Everybody I met had a little bit of advice for raising little boys, but NOBODY asked me if I was going to circumcise my son . Even to this day, there are many people in my family who don't know whether I circumcised my son or not. It's just not something we talked about. There were no myspace or facebook debates over my son's penis. My OBGYN never asked me if I wanted my son circumcised. They gave me a pamphlet on all my choices for pain management, birthing options, but not a pamphlet on my choices for circumcision. My husband and I picked a pediatrician and called them two weeks before I was set to deliver. I told them I would be delivering a little boy, they said: "call us when the baby is born," but I was never asked even by the pediatrician if I wanted my son circumcised. I was never offered information on circumcision. There were no articles in Baby Talk Magazine; no pamphlets at the doctors office; and no conversations in line at Wal-Mart.
I was so sick my whole pregnancy that I could barely get out of bed. I spent the majority of my time concentrating on getting enough nutrients to my baby while everyone else was concern with how much weight I have gained and how much hair they thought my child was going to have. NOBODY seemed concerned that I was not researching circumcision. I didn't Google; it I didn't go to the library; I didn't even so much as look up the word in a dictionary. It wasn't a word I heard many times in my life other than the occasional re quoted verse from the Bible , my grandmother would say, I knew very little about circumcision yet I was getting ready to give birth to a baby boy.
The day before I went into labor, my mom asked me if I had thought about having my son circumcised, and honestly the thought never crossed my mind. I was so wrapped up in all the greatness of being a mother and having a child I never thought about what to do with my son's penis. My mom tried her best to give me what little information she had and she told me her horrific story of having my brother circumcised.. Exact words to me were: "if you choose to do it, make sure they numb him." My father's opinion was that he needs to look the same as his dad so there is no confusion. My husband said do whatever is best for the baby That was it-- the only conversation I had about having my son circumcised . It didn't weigh on my mind, I wasn't worried or concerned, my thought was I'll have him circumcised, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
When I went into labor I was asked a million questions about myself and my unborn child and all the things I did or didn't want, none of which had anything to do with circumcision. I gave birth at 12:01 p.m. on April the 27th to a very unhealthy little boy. There was such chaos in the moment after his birth 1 minute I am the proud new mother gleaming over my newborn Son, the next he's being ripped from my arms and rushed away. He spent the next day and a half in isolation. There were questions and talk about what to do if he died, I had to sign a living will for my newborn son stating that I wanted them to use every resource necessary to save his life. In the course of the next 3 months they would have to use every single one of those resources. On the third day I was in my hospital bed, guilt ridden for my son's condition because my body failed him. The pediatrician walked in and said: "I'm Dr. Rowlands, and I'm here to circumcise your son." I had not told any Doctor or nurse that I was choosing to have my son circumcised and yet here he stood ready to get it over with. One single form with information regarding the procedure itself and my signature at the bottom was all he needed.
There was no pre op; there was no 24 hour wait. There were no facts, or information for me to think about. It was 'sign on the dotted line and I'll cut it away'. They carried my son off to some room that looked more like a closet to perform this procedure. My mother tried to prepare me for the horror that I was about to witness. She kept saying: "it's going to be heartbreaking to see."
In the next few months, what they did to my son in that closet became less horrifying as I faced what truly horrifying was. A little bloody penis seemed like a paper cut when I walked in and seen 2 large catheters coming out of my sons jugular vein. He had been moved from the closest hospital to a very well known, teaching hospital and nobody asked or commented about my sons foreskin of lack there of. Nobody seemed to care about how or why I made the choice to have the procedure done .
4 years later I found myself pregnant again with another little boy and much like the first go around I did very little researching or questioning I just did what I thought I should do and had him circumcised as well. Once again it was 'sign on the dotted line, and we will get to cutting.'
I had never gave having my sons circumcised a second thought until a mother asked a question about circumcision on The Madness of mommyhood facebook page and the women went crazy. I had never seen women so passionate about their sons' penises before. Like a fool, I commented that my own sons were snipped and suddenly I was Satan herself. I never knew that others would be so concerned with my son's penis and frankly it kind of disturbed me!! These women were talking about my son's future sex partners like they knew them by name. They were worried about my son's sex life and I was trying so hard to not think about my sons having sex at all. I was teaching my children that that was their special place and nobody else needed to know about it, yet I was putting my children's penises on facebook to be debated about, and I wasn't the only one. I didn't stand a fighting chance against the lynch mob moms: I hadn't done research, I didn't know how many nerve endings were in the foreskin, or the risks of having the procedure done. All I could say was "it was my choice" But honestly was it my choice? I wasn't offered enough information to make the choice, was it even my choice to make? I made a choice about my sons' penises without asking them how they felt about it. I didn't even research what I was having done.
When my daughter had to get tubes put in her ears I had to have a preop, blood work, tons of papers to sign, researched on Google and I asked people who I had children who had this procedure done before. I had done nothing when it come to cutting off a inch ( guessing) of my sons' penises. When I wanted to get my daughters ears pierced my husband and I decided it was her ears it should be her choice, but it wasn't my sons choice to be circumcised. I suddenly felt bad for my choice to make the choice for my sons. I felt bad because I could argue I couldn't fight I had nothing to say. It was too late I couldn't change thier mind and they couldn't make my sons foreskin grow back so what was the point in fighting?
I remembered when my first son was very sick and I had to make some tough choices on his behalf. The surgeon sat me down and said " He is your son and until he can make choices for himself you need to make those choices for him" I made the choice then knowing that the machine they wanted to "try " would cause life long problems. I knew all the risks and they were far worse than the loss of sensation in his penis. These were risks of bleeding on the brain, swelling of the heart, and my son never living a normal life. I made the choice in spite of all the risks because it was what was best for my child. Just like I made the choice to circumcision my sons even though I didn't have all the information I didn't know all the risks I made the choice for what was best for my son and that is all that matters!
Do your research , read a book, Google, ask a friend or write into a facebook page and ask for facts. As long as you are making the choice for what you feel is best for your child you can never be wrong even if you later regret it. you done what felt right and that's all the matters.
My mothers story: "In 1978, I was a 19 year old new mother with a beautiful bald baby boy that I instantly was so in love with..that to this day can't forgive my self for what I let them do to my son! On the third day it was time to take my son home...I was excited and scared all at the same time..earlier that morning a nurse came in a bunch of papers for me to sign before we could leave..one happened to be consent for circumcision I wasnt asked if I wanted it or not or if I even understood what it was-- just sign the papers so I could be released. At this point in my life, I didnt know penises didn't come looking like lil turtles! As I sat on the side of my bed waiting for them to say we could go..I heard a baby screaming..I heard my baby screaming..I pushed and pushed the call button..and then took off towards the nursery. Where I was met by my nurse..I was crying and wanted my baby..I was assured he was fine and they would bring him to me in a few minutes, which they did..he was still crying so hard he was gulping for breath..I was freaking out..they then explained that they had just circumcised him and laid him on the bed and opened his diaper to show me this little blood mess..I freaked out and was crying even harder! I had picked my son up and was rocking him ..telling him how sorry I was..the nurses went and got the doctor to help explain what had happened and how to take care of the wounds..I remember the doctor telling more less suck it up..that a new born couldn't feel pain in the first weeks..needless to say my other two children were not born at that hospital ..and I still regret what I had done to my son!"
