Thursday, June 2, 2016

Public restrooms

  
What is and what is not acceptable in a public restroom seems to be a very hot topic right now.  Big bussiness are taking advantage of the sitiutaion to get a little free advertising . Everybody is walking around with a cellphone camera in their face giving thier opinion in hopes of going viral and becoming the next new thing.   I have found myself in a few heated conversations over the subject and I am sure many of you have as well.    I live in North Carolina where thoughts on public Bathrooms has taking on a whole life of it's own. Everyone thinks you are either promoting the public molestation of young girls or you are a racist bigot.  People fail to see the grey area around a subject and choose to only see 2 sides when in fact the possibility for an opinion is endless.  I believe that any opinion based on real facts can not be a wrong opinion.

    So I have sat and thought about how shity public restrooms are and  I figured since everyone is talking about them now would be a good time to bring up what I don't want in public restrooms!

1. Locks and latches within reach of a toddler .   It is hard enough to use the potty with a toddler in the stall with you adding sound effects but it becomes a game of peekaboo with anyone standing outside when your toddler can reach the latch .   Also Latches that are broken and have been replaced with locks that look like they were installed my Tim the tool man Taylor.

 Why is this not in every public restroom?




 

 2.  Pee all over the seat!  I don't know when the fear of your ass coming in contact with a toilet seat became so strong that women now try to stand up and pee but Jesus how hard is it to wipe the seat off.  Hell I think my teenage son who does jumping jacks (i am guessing here) while peeing has better aim than most women. Heck maybe we do need urinals in the womens restroom for those with toilet seat phobia .

3.  Changing stations across from the sinks or two steps inside the door.   Wrangling a baby with a poopy diaper is hard enough without being right in the middle of the traffic flow and all the commentary from every snooty person who walks by.   Is it too much to ask for the changing table to be inside an empty stall? Give the mother and baby a little privacy! 



4.   A mother breastfeeding on the toilet!   In the diaper changing stall can we get a bench to sit down and feed our baby since so many people think breastfeeding in public is an abomination against nature or something now .   Nobody should ever feel like they have to feed their baby in a public bathroom but if they choose to then there should be some place for them to sit and do it!

5. urinals with no stall/walls around it !  I was shocked when I walked into a mens restroom ( I have the bladder of a 3 year old and the alcohol tolerance to match) and seen grown men standing elbow to elbow with their, well you get the idea.   Men deserve the same amount of privacy as women !  Who's idea was it to make men pee side by side anyhow? have they not seen how poorly they are at hitting the target?


6. Sinks and soap dispensers  that can not be reached by any one under 5 foot tall.  I have almost killed someone before trying to hold a baby on one hip and using my knee to lift my toddler up high enough that he could reach the sink to wash his hands.    Why do public places think we are all 6 foot tall? this can also go for toilet height as well.  
 
7. A kid getting a spanking.  I know this goes against every parenting advice you have ever gotten but if you choose to spank your child do that shit at home!   I hate walking into a restroom only to hear some little kid getting his behind tore up because he Touched something he shouldn't have. It takes everything I have not to say something to that parent.   I think all public restrooms should have a sign that says No Spankings allowed in here! 

 
8.  Silence !  All public restrooms should have a todays hits station playing. The music should be just loud enough that you feel safe to fart. Men do not understand the skill we women have to learn to be able to pee and not fart.    I am tired of not being able to poop in a public restroom for fear that someone might hear me and recognize my shoes later. 
 
9.  Toilet paper that I can see through. I know everyone is on a budget but come on now Angel soft is not that expensive!   I am not asking for the quilted stuff just something that actually does the job without causing damage to the tender areas of a person.  Heck you can't even blow your nose with the stuff found in most public restrooms.
 
10. Judgmental people!  People who can not just walk into a restroom do what they need to do and walk out. The people who make comments about smells, sounds, or looks of another person.  When I walk into a restroom I am thinking about one thing and that is to get in and get out without loosing a kid .  I don't care who is next to me unless they have angel soft in their purse.  I don't care if you play battle shits with the person next to you.    I am not in there looking to make a new friend. I am not hanging around to see what the person next to me looks like. I am walking in and out with blinders on.
      I want restrooms to be more user friendly and safer  and I believe that we can have that one day without telling any group of people which restroom they can or can not use .   I would love to not have to send my preteen son into the men's restroom alone. I would love for my husband to not have to send our daughter into the women's restroom alone. However like most people I am not comfortable with opening restrooms to any gender with the way restrooms are designed right now.  Safety is and will always be my number 1 concern and that goes for those of the GLBT ( is that the right order?) community .  Right now public restrooms offer very little privacy and security to its users and even less if you have to use the mens .  Restrooms can be made to be gender neutral but still offer the privacy that people need by using full length stalls with functional locks.  We would only be aware of who we were washing our hands next to and lets face it very few people are even washing their hands.  It would be like a row of porta potty's   In a room with a row of sinks that are designed for those both above and below 5 ft tall. Because Nobody cares who is using the porta potty beside them even though it is a gender neutral design.
 I hope that some day we can redesign the public restroom so that it is safer for everyone and doesn't limit any one person the right to poop while listening to the newest Justin Timberlake song.
    
 
 

Sunday, February 14, 2016

My daughters broken Heart

We had to get rid of my daughters cats. The 2 cats would not stop using the bathroom inside no matter what I tried. One cat liked to pee inside the closets or if all the closet doors were closed she would find a place behind something. The other cat had a favorite spot in the corner of the living room.  I would clean the carpet as soon as I discovered they had used the bathroom but the smell started to get bad inside the house.    I tried letting them outside as much as possible to help cut down on their accidents but it didn't help. 
   My husband bought new wood flooring for the house, we were finally going to get rid of that 1970s shag carpet.  I was so excited about the flooring then came the bad news... We have to get rid of the cats first. For months the flooring has sat stacked on my carport for months my husband has kept his word... I am not putting this flooring in until the cats are  gone. 
     A guy that he worked with wanted the cats to live on his farm and help keep the rodents out of his barn.  This was the best option for 2 grown cats so we agreed to allow him to take the cats. Little did I know just how horrible this would be for my daughter........
   
 
She is so heart broken and I do not not know how to help her understand.   My own heart breaks every time I look at her face and see her blood shot eyes.  She may never forgive me for this.   When she looks at me I know that she is hating me and I cant take it . I was supposed to protect her from this kind of pain. She trusted me to never let anyone hurt her and yet I failed to do that today.   I never want her heart to be broken again but sadly I know that this moment is just the beginning.  There is no feeling worse than knowing your child is hurting in a way you can not kiss away.

    I would be lying if I didn't say That I didn't hate my husband right now.  He was the one who made choice  arranged it all and gave the final demand that the cats must go and yet he is not the one sitting here with a broken hearted sobbing little girl in his lap.   He is patting himself on the shoulder thinking how proud he is of himself for standing his ground . He thinks he is a man but all I see when I look at him is a coward .   He should be the one comforting his daughter. He should be feeling guilty for breaking her heart.  

    If breaking my daughters heart can change how I look at my own husband a man I have been with for 17 years A man that I forgave for breaking my own heart  how will I feel when some random jackass teenager breaks her heart?   How will I control my own emotions enough to help her through?  Will I sit there sobbing right beside her like I am now?   How do I tell her that the worst feeling she has ever had will happen again and again in her life?   How do I tell her that loving something means you accept all the pain that might come along with it one day.

     I don't know what to say except I am sorry.  Inside my own heart is torn apart and I want to hate someone so much.    I want to say fuck you as I walk out to go get her cat back.  I want to say I don't give a shit about smells or floors I just want my daughter to be happy again.... I want her cats back!!!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

SCHOOL BUS

    What if he gets left behind?    What if he gets lost?  What if he gets on the wrong bus?   What if he hears the older kids talking?
         My husband couldn't understand why I didn't want our son riding the bus. To be honest the only reason was because  I wanted to take him to school everyday to be on first name bases with all his teachers and I wanted to join the PTO .  I was going to be " that Mom" ! 
           I took him to school everyday and everyday he cried his little heart out.   I would spend all day wondering how long he cried for me and feeling like crap for leaving him.    .
     Every day of kindergarten I walked him to class with his little brother asleep in my arms and everyday I would have to get someone to peal him off my leg and walk away as he cried for me.  
  During the summer  between kindergarten  and first grade not only did I find myself pregnant with my third child The school changed administrators.   The first day of school I was greeted at the door like many other parents with the news that we would no longer be allowed to walk our children to class.  We were giving 2 weeks to adjust then we must drop our kids off in the car rider line.    My son cried everyday of those 2 weeks.    On the third week of school I drove through the car rider line and fought my son out of the car as he begged me not to leave him.  Worried about him being so upset I drove around the school  and walked in.  I found my first grader  standing in the 5th grade hall scared and crying.    The car rider line came in on different side than he was used to and he got lost.    I left him in his class room crying with hopes that one day it would get easier.  On my way out of the school I was approached by the new vice principle who very sternly reminded me of their new policy.   I tired to explain to him what had happen but he wasn't listening.
      The next morning My son refused to get out of the car in the car rider line. He cried repeatedly telling me he was scared and didn't think he could remember his way to class.    I pulled around to the front and with My first grader at my side,  my sleeping toddler in my arm and a great big pregnant belly I walked into the school.   I walked right past the office where the vice principle came running out.   He followed me closely all the way down the hall and the more he yelled about rules the faster I walked.  Once I reached my sons class room I bent down and kissed my crying son and told him I would see him in the afternoon but before my son could protest the vice principle grabbed me by my free arm and jerked me around  yelling that I had to leave the school right now.  My son went hysterical grabbing for me The vice asswipe went to grab my son. I screamed loudly enough to wake my sleeping toddler in my arms " YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME OR MY CHILD"      I was escorted out of the school  and the law was called.
                           I wrote a letter to the editor of the news paper about my experience and my frustration with the schools lack of help or concern. I thought I would receive support from other parents but I was very wrong.    A few days after my letter was posted in the paper I was approached by another parent and asked if I had been reading the online comments about my letter.  I went online to find 3 pages of comments .   "Time to cut the apron strings"  " Another jail inmate in the making " " who does the mother think she is?"  " should have had her arrested "   " Guess who will have a 30 year old kid living in their basement"    I broke down and cried as I read the comments .  This was back before facebook,  before trolls or the perfect mom groups.  This was people in my community, my neighbors , the other parents I talked to everyday,  people I have never met and they were all bashing me.     I kept my son home from school for a day or two because I didn't know what to do or how to face all the other parents.
    When my son returned to school we had an agreement I would walk him to the front doors of the school but I couldn't come into the school or I would get into trouble .  I stood right outside the front doors with Vice asshole standing right on the other side watching me.  My son cried and begged me to stay with him or take him with me.   At some point his teachers assistant started meeting me at the front door and taking my son with her  to help me out. ( thank you !)  He would still cry all the way to school and all the way to the front doors but he would willing go with the assistant . She was so great and would say things like Lets go eat some breakfast why mommy goes and gets ready for your baby sister. This woman done what nobody else would do.. she helped me! 

                           My daughter was born in January and it was just to hard and cold to try to drag a baby and toddler out every morning and afternoon.  As much as I didn't want to I asked my son what he thought about riding the school bus for a little while. I was so worried about him crying or not wanting to get on or off the bus but it was supposed to be a temporary  thing just until it got a little warmer and the baby got a little older, 1 month maybe 2.   My son got on the school bus that morning without shedding 1 single tear and when he got off the bus in the afternoon he was full of stories.   He had made a buddy on the bus and some kid got into trouble for chewing gum. It was like some kind of adventure to him.  That evening he said Mom I want to ride the bus forever.  My son has rode the bus ever since and never cried again    When  the other two started school I took them the first day just because they have all those boxes of tissues and hand sanitizer they have to carry,  After that they rode the bus.     
               
      I like so many other parents was scared to death of letting my kids ride the school bus, but I learned that this is a great time for kids to grow.  In school kids are giving less and less time to be social and make friends . The bus is now where this happens . Its the only time the kids have to talk and learn other things besides common core .   The bus is where my son heard about sex ( sort of) Its where my daughter heard that the tooth fairy  wasn't real. Its where my middle son heard that jenny broke up with Adam because he was sitting next to Heather at lunch. Its where my daughter heard a Drake song for the first time.  All of these things are part of growing up well except the Drake song.  My kids heard it from friends just like I did as a kid and they came asking me questions just like I did my mom.   
      Parents are now quick to tell you how horrible of a mother you are for putting your kids on the school bus.   These are the parents who spend 45 minutes in the car rider line while I am sitting at home drinking wine playing on Facebook.    The same parents who told me that I needed to cut the apron strings just a few years ago. 
   The bus saved me and my son and I will never feel guilty for doing something that works best for my family!  
   
 
  .  
                           For the record 
 800 kids are killed annually during school transportation but less than 2% are bus passengers . 
The nationwide safety record For the 25 million children who do not ride the bus everyday to and from school is
     448 fatalities in passenger vehicles with a teenage driver
     169 fatalities in a passenger vehicle with an adult driver
      131 fatalities to pedestrians
     
       
   for children who ride the bus everyday to and from school
      5 passenger fatalities
15  pedestrian fatalities at bus stops