Put Your Guns Away!

She is so cute hope you got a gun. .. Better get your guns ready... Meet him on the front porch with a shot gun.  ..
       Daddy's put your guns away because I am raising my sons right!
  
        I am tired of this boys will be boys type of trash. Boys will be men, men who need to be respected respected by your daughters.  How will your daughter ever respect my son if her whole life she has heard how daddy needs a gun to protect her against him?   Why is it you just can't teach your daughter to make better choices with men then you will not need a gun at all!
          Your daughter deserves to be respected but so does my son! My son deserves to know he can protect himself when your daughter goes bat shit crazy and decides to hit him repeatly.  So while you are teaching your daughter that a man can never hit a woman I am teaching my sons to never resort to violence but defend yourself as needed. 

     Your daughter deserves out of a relationship with my son exactly what she puts into it. So while you are teaching your daughter that she is a princess and deserves that big house on the hill solely because she has a Vagina I am teaching my sons that a good education and hard work is how you earn that big house.  
  
 Your daughter needs to be treated like a princess but only if she treats my son like Prince. Being a woman earns her nothing! While you are teaching your daughter that men should treat her like a queen I am teaching my sons to treat others how they want to be treated.

    Your daughter deserves to have a good father for her children but my son deserves the chance to be a good daddy which includes the choice to be a stay at home dad without being called a bum because I wouldn't call your daughter a bum if she choose to stay at home and raise their children.   While you are teaching your daughter that she doesn't need a man to raise a baby, I am teaching my son to fight like hell to be part of his child life. 

   Now maybe I should meet your daughter at the door with a shot gun and a pack of birth control! !

Top 10 People I hate

People I hate...

1. People who stand to close to me in line.  If I can feel your breath on my neck you are to close ! This creeps me out so bad, like are they trying to see my information so they can kid nap me later ?

2 . People who say " your welcome" when I didn't say thank you.  Maybe there is a reason I didn't say Thank you maybe because I am not thankful and you suck !

3. Women who complain or brag about their post baby bodies, before their postpartum check up.  You should be falling in love with every part of your baby not worrying what you look like in the mirror!

4. People who think their stuff is better just because its Thiers .  like how their stock car will out run any other car. I guess them owning it gave the car more horse power or something. 

5. Girls who think they can't do something solely because they are a girl !  You can't do it because you were never taught or you just didn't want to learn. Gender is just a box we check on applications it doesn't choose what we are capable of.

6. These  people who go on crash diets and post about ever single pound they lose but never say a word when they gain it back... if I had to read about your kale shake and 10 mile walk to lose 3 pounds I want to hear about your glass of Pepsi , your big Mac sandwich and how you gained 5 pounds ..

7. Anyone who thinks their way is the only way!... your way is best for you but that doesn't mean its best for everyone! 

8. People who believe in stereotypes and label other people... labels are for soup cans not for people! My hair, clothing or type of music I listen to doesn't define who I am ...

9. People who just show up at my house unexpected.  I have 3 kids, I need at least a 3 hour warning  so I can scrap the gum off my couch and clean the shit off the back of the toilet..(still have no clue how that happens...)

10.  People with no sense of humor.  If you don't find it funny keep your trap shut I don't need to know that you don't think its funny. Just let me laugh , hell laugh along and we can laugh at each other !

...........and this people is why I have no friends....

Confessions of parents

 I recently asked a  group of parents a few questions  to get some input for  a blog I wanted to write, but what happen was far better.

The answers people gave me were very honest and they opened a part of themselves for me to see that I didn't expect. The fear of being judged out weighed the benefits of helping a friend. (ME!)     I was moved by the emotion I read and heard in some of the answers . Each person I asked is different  Some only have 1 child and some are raising a neighborhood of kids. Some are stay at home parents and some work 12 hour shifts.  Some have small children and some have grand children.  Some are financially stable and some struggle every day .. The one thing each one of them had in common is They all love the children in their lives. 

• 1. Do you worry if you are being a good parent? 

"
Every single day of my life, but my mother reassures me that means I am a good parent. I second guess everything as for some reason, my brood did not come with instructions. It does get easier as they get older, even though it also gets more difficult."

"No I do not worry about being a good parent, I feel with everything I have been though in life, I make sure to provide and do for my kids."

" all of the time what parent doesn't? ? The Caseworker for my Foster children's tells me I'm doing a great job." 

• 2. Was you scared of becoming a parent, if so why?

"  Heck yes! But it is so worth it"

 "No I was never scared of becoming a parent until my 2nd child was born 16yrs after my first! Things have changed a LOT in that time."

"  I was not scared of becoming a parent. I was READY. I was ready to teach, learn, and experience life in a whole new way with my child. Every day is a blessing. The one thing I am scared of being a parent is because of death. I am scared of her leaving this earth. I am scared of me leaving this earth. I want to see her grow up. I want to see her go to school, college, get married, have children of her own. I want to be a grandmother. I want forever with her."

" I drank an 18 pack of beer the night my wife took her pregnancy test. We had been trying to get pregnant for 5 months and had stopped trying and decided to be traditional and get married first. She was late and her boobs hurt. I was terrified we would be pregnant and terrified we wouldn't be. The next ten months I really focused in on how "my story" was no longer about "me." That is an incredibly disheartening and terrifying prospect...until you meet your child and realize everything has changed in the most wonderful way."

•   3. What is 1 thing that you said you would never do as a parent but ended up doing any how?

" tell them that I brought them into this world & I will take them out. Or lick my finger to clean their face"
 "I said I would never be one of those parents who would cuss at or yell at my child. I am not proud of it but I am guilty. Damn she can really get me pissed off!"

"
letting her cry it out, she expects to be the center of my attention all the time and I still have to clean house and cook and work"

" Screaming and hollering at the kids all the time and cussing them"

•  4. Has anyone ever criticized you for your parenting choices? If so what choice was it? 

" yes letting her ride horses with me"

" My ex-wife sometimes was not happy with the way I chose to punish our child. Its only because she never had discipline as a child and did not agree with it."

" Yes by my mom. For the non stop screaming etc"

" yes I was judged by a mentally ill narcissist who was looking for something ANYTHING to criticize me because she knows being a parent is the most important element to my life and to my self. She said I yell at my kids too much. I yell, it is true, but it is NOT in any way out of the ordinary or inappropriate or unreasonable."

 " yes the drunk couple up the street that don't have any kids. They tell me I need to put my kids on a harness because I let them run wild. I let them play outside & ride their bikes up & down the street. I let them play in the street because our neighborhood is so quite the only peeps that come down our stretch is the people that live on my block. I let them draw with chalk in the street.. I am outside with them when they are out there.I don't let them disrespect others or their property so F- them assholes"

•   5. Have you ever had a "bad parent" moment? If so what was it?

" yes I have had a few of them. I went off on my drunk neighbors in front on my kids yelling & really bad words. I have called my daughter a selfish little bitch. I have whipped their ass when I don't believe in spanking. But I had just had enough. The list goes on & on because I'm not a perfect parent"

" yes I feel horrible when I let her cry it out and can't devotee 100% of my attention to her"

" I have gotten upset before and "blew up" before using my head. It was hard, but my child and I learned from the situation"

" She fell off the bed when she was three months. I found her struggling to stay above water when I forgot to turn the bathtub water off and turned away for a sec when she was around 2. That was a horrible what if moment. I have hurt her feelings when I am sarcastic with her on her duh moments. Sometimes I want to treat her like an older child and she isn't."

" I dropped the f bomb. Then dropped it again realizing I dropped it. I was not proud. "

"Yes. My  daughter drew her fist back at me when she was 5 and my first reaction was to defend myself and I open handily smack her across the face."

•  6. Have you ever judged someone else's parenting choices? ...

" yes who hasn't?'

" yes I have. We have been in a restaurant while the parents are pigging out & make their kids share a meal. Then when the kid ask for more they tell them no. My kids eat before I do. If they are still hungry I give them food off my plate. When a parent beat their kids in the middle of a store I want to beat that parent. There is a time & place for everything"

" Yes I have judged others parenting, or non-parenting skills! In my job I get to see and hear all kinds of good and bad situations. I don't always know what going on, just what people tell me. But some stories I have been told are just absolute crazy!!!"

" I try not to judge. I see and read stuff that I don't agree with. I don't know the circumstances behind everything that goes on in someone else's life. I may comment or have a opinion but I try not to be hateful or hurtful. I know I was judgy when I was younger and definitely before I was a parent myself."

" I am the most judgmental person ever, and don't want to be. But since I still am, grab the popcorn and a beer and lets judge everyone for an hour or two. HA! No, in all seriousness, yes I'm guilty of it. Parents who don't prioritize their children make my skin crawl, and parents who are overly permissive make my skin crawl. And people who choose spouses over their children, or who LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN IN HOT CARS make my blood boil. Also people who dress their children in ridiculous garb. Its like "Hello? That is a child not a fecking doll!" Where's the popcorn?"



I didn't ask if they choose to vaccinate  or if their children were bottled or breast fed cause honestly none of that matters when it comes to being a parent.  Choices like using a Harness on a 2 year old or getting your daughters ears pierced will one day not matter at all. Its the things we teach our children and the example we set for them that will shape the person they will turn out to be.     


    THANK YOU TO EACH OF THE 15 PARENTS FOR THEIR HONESTY!
         I will tolerate no Negativity towards any questions or answers !!!

Confessions of a Bad mom

  At the very young age of 17  4 tests  all showed the same thing , I was going to be a mother. ..   I had no plans on being a mom, honestly the thought of being a mother scared the shit out of me.  Even as a very young kid I swore I never wanted any babies, so when I played dolls with my sister I was always just the baby sitter. One Christmas My parents bought me  this "feel so real" baby doll that looked just like a new born baby.  Back then most baby dolls didn't look real, they would be the size of a 6 month old, but with the hair of a 10 year old. This baby was bald and wrinkly, it weighed exactly 5 pounds and had bones inside its soft gel filled skin. I named the baby Nicole then I beat the baby for crying to much and hung it upside down to watch the gel move to its head giving it a fat face.  This was my favorite baby solely because my sister wanted it, and I wouldn't let her have it.  The only part about having that baby doll that I liked was having a excuse to  buy real baby stuff from the consignment shop next door.  I spent every penny I got buying a baby stroller and car seat then hid the Doll under my bed and strapped my cat into the stroller and went walking.
    When My sister and I got too old to play with Baby dolls she started baby sitting. She would baby sit every kid in the neighborhood. People would talk about how she was made to be a mother. she had that caring, nurturing side to her that I lacked. While my sister was day dreaming about a family of her own and playing with the neighbor kids I was off in the woods with my new Daisy Cobra BB gun shooting black birds, or sneaking into a pond to try and catch a catfish.  I wanted to be one of the guys not stuck at home with some baby.

I was so sacred my whole pregnancy That I had night mares about forgetting to feed him, or leaving  him some where.  I met other pregnant women at the doctors office who were begging to be induced so excited they couldn't wait to meet their new baby. I on the other hand was begging for 1 more month. 10 months just wasn't enough time to prepare to be a mother. Most women had their whole lives to think about what kind of mom they wanted to be I only had 10 months and most of that was spent helping my at the time boyfriend ( who later became my husband)   rebuild a motor in his truck. I would sit there and look at all the new baby stuff I had, and cry.  How does the car seat go again?   Why didn't they give me one of those planned parenting fake babies to practice with? I was so scared and I just knew I was going to be a horrible mother.

   At 41 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy nature kicked in and I couldn't stop it.  I cried looking into my own mothers eyes saying " I just want to keep him inside me where I know he is safe"  I begged the nurse to just let me go home I promised to come back when I was ready.  I was a emotional wreck so much so that I was given a Arbys cheddar melt and a sleeping pill.  18 hours later I became a mother ( oh yeah that boyfriend became a daddy but he is not part of this story ). As soon as I seen my son for the first time I was no longer scared to be a mom.

 He was 3 days old at his first doctors appointment and  the nurse called me up to the window. Every parent in there was staring at me but I had no idea why until the nurse pointed out that I had forgot my baby! I left him sitting in his car seat sitting on a bench, oh god it was all true I am going to be a Bad mom!!!

      14 years and 2 kids later, I was called a bad mom for the first time.   Here I was so proud of myself 14 years of being a mother and social services didn't know me by name.  14 years and everybody was still in one piece including myself.   I had never been called a bad mom before .  It wasn't so much the words of the 10 + lynch mob moms on facebook as much as it was the reason they called me a bad mom.   They didn't know that I left my newborn baby on a bench, or that I clipped his skin the first time I cut his finger nails.  They didn't know that I rode around one day without my middle sons car seat  buckled into the car .  These judgmental moms didn't know that I let my kids ride a bike without a  helmet.  They didn't know that I once knocked my daughters front tooth out on the slip in slide or that I let my kids listen to Waylon Jennings and Kid rock.
  These women who felt the need to cut me down had no clue what mistakes I had made as a mother All they knew was I was different and that made me a bad mom.  They didn't care about all the things I had done right with my kids they only cared about the one thing they felt I done wrong.   The moment I was labeled as  a Bad Mom nothing else I said mattered and these lynch mob moms waited for me to say something so they could personally attack me again and again.   Never tell people you clean your kids room! according to those women I am raising lazy children who will grow up to live off the government or end up in prison..
 
    I choose to start the page Confessions of a Bad Mom not only to say F-you to the bitchy picture perfect moms with a closet full of their own parenting mistakes but also to give other parents a place to laugh at my mistakes with me and know they will not be judged for their own.  I dont care what mistakes you have made as a parent as long as you don't have a kid tied up some where ( no longer than a hour if they are a teenager)  Its not my place to judge someones parenting, I think we do that enough to ourselves in the mirror every day .........

A Trashy Situation

       Every wonder what impact you will have on the world around you?  

My family of 5 produces on average 4, 30 gallon  bags of trash a week . That doesn't seem that bad , that is like  a bag every other day.   I don't have trash service ,since there is a county dumpster site 2 blocks over .  Once a week I load up our trash and go throw it into the dumpster, and never think about it again.  I have never added up how many bags that is in a year or in a life time. I have never thought about where that dumpster goes or where my weekly trash ends up.

My family has never recycled except for metal. I have seen the little symbols all over everything but have given very little thought about it ,except  Once a week  when I take our trash to the dumpster .  When  I see these people with their bags of plastic bottles and boxes of cardboard trowing it into special bins I think I should recylcle.  By the time I get back home I think , I am just 1 person, 1 little family how can I make that big a difference just by recycling.

This is my county's landfill Which happens to be 550 acres of already used and ready for more trash land.  This is  where my 208 bags of trash end up each year.   Where you can visible see paper, plastic  glass , rotting food, old clothes and half broken furniture form little mountains.  Off in the distant is beautiful rolling grass covered hills that are Beautiful to see but have a ugly truth that hides beneath.  They are nothing more than dirt covered trash piles.

Its hard to find the rights words to described what you see and feel( Lets not even talk about the smell!)  Knowing you have done nothing to help prevent this.   Standing on top of that mountain of trash all I could think about was the movie Wall-E and h0w realistic that movie now seemed to me.   Watching the heavy equipment  push mounds of trash  feeling the earth move under your feet, Its almost scary.

The ground feels like play doh, it gives and moves as the trash shifts beneath you, this is not what I imagined when I threw my trash in the dumpster.

      A big mountain of trash is not the impact I want to make in the world. This is not what I want to leave behind for my children. I know that my recycling will not make a big impact on the trash piles across America but if I start recycling now and then my 3 children will recycle and their children, it starts to add up and make a big impact.

    What impact will you leave on earth? 

All of these photos were taken by me on 7/12/2014 

A Hot Car

I have been talking about this a lot lately as a result of all the recent news coverage over leaving children in the car.  I have tried to reason with those who swear it could never happen to them. "who could forget their child?"  Well I can and I did!

         My daughter Sarah was 6 years old and had stayed home from school sick that day. I was cleaning houses which allowed her to go to work with me since most of the time was spent in my car driving anyhow.   I went about my normal day with Sarah at my side. she helped me clean a few houses when she felt like it but she mostly slept.   It was a hour ride home and she crashed out hard so hard that I forgot she was back there. I was jamming to the radio and thinking about what I was going to make for supper.  I stopped at the little local store where my Mom works just like I did everyday. I pulled in cut the engine off and walk inside. I grabbed the items I needed and started talking to my mom and the other lady who worked there. This had become part of my normal routine. We talked a few minutes maybe even 20 to be honest I dont know how long it was. The entire time my Tahoe was in sight with doors unlocked, key in the ignition , windows rolled up and my daughter inside. I had forgot she was in the back seat asleep. She was never with me when I went to work and I was even thinking about how I needed to hurry so I wouldn't miss the  school bus and it never dawned on me she was sleep in the car.  My daughter woke up and began to panic because she was getting extremely hot. She climbed out of her seat and decided she was going to turn the air on.
                     I stood there laughing, listening to gossip and retelling some gossip of my own when a strange man come walking in. He looked around the store and seeing I was the only costumer he reached out his hand. I instantly recognized  my Keys  and thought I must have dropped them in the parking lot.   Then I suddenly felt like I was punched in the stomach, I remembered. He said " you left your daughter in the car and she was hot and trying to start the car. I rolled the windows down for her, here is your keys"     Oh my god , how could I forget my daughter was in the car! oh my god this man might have just saved my daughters life.

               Before that day,  like so many other parents I would have swore there was no way I could forget my child was in the car.  It happen to me and it happens to other parents every day.  You can think about how you could never forget your child but unless you are using some type of system to ensure this, chances are one day you might find yourself in my shoes or worse.  52% of all vehicle related deaths involving children  are from being forgotten in a vehicle.  In 2013 44 children died from being forgotten in a car.    I think its time instead of pointing fingers and claiming how we are so much better than that , we start thinking of ways to put a end this!

   Some parents are claiming to not leave car seats in the car when a child is not using it.  Most children who are forgotten in cars are under the age of 2 and  many of the parent have claimed that seeing a car seat especially rear facing seats was nothing unusual since they left the seat in the car at all time.

   Some parents are buying small mirrors that hang in the back seat that allow the driver to see the child with the rear view mirror.

 Some parents are using a stuffed animal that rides in the car seat when the child does not. When The child is placed in the seat the stuffed animal goes in the front passenger seat as a reminder  that the baby/child is in the seat

   Some parents are using the no distraction method  since many parents who forgot their child was in the car claimed to have been distracted by either the radio, cell phones, or work related stress. , when the child is with you there is no radio ( number 1 claimed distraction) No  talking on cell phones ( number 2)  .

    I was riding down the road the other day with my mom, when I looked down and seen a Big Orange Light that said Passenger2 Air bag on.

  I thought if my car can tell me when I have a front passenger why cant it tell me when I have a rear passenger?  The sensor in the front seat is designed to detected a certain amount of weight before turning the air bag on.  A sensor similar to this could be installed in all rear seats  when 10+ pounds is detected  a big orange light would show on the instrument panel indicating you have rear passengers. When you turn the ignition off the light would flash and make a couple beeps alerting you that you have back passengers. Maybe even a feature where you can not lock the car doors (with remote) when back passengers are detected unless you open 1 rear door first.  The feature could be disabled with a key switch ( for non-parent owners)  much like some cars allow for passenger air bags.

  We have child safety locks installed to keep kids in our cars why not install something that helps us remember to get them out? 

        Many people will say that's stupid and is not needed but had this feature been installed in my car I wouldn't have forgot about my child sleep in the back seat and how many other children could have been saved ? 

                              

For sale !

                           Will Be Sold to Highest Bidder! !

I have for sale today 1 gentle used family. The Family is a 2000 model with some 1979 parts.  The family is in near mint condition with a few minor scratches and dings, that is to be expected with this model of Family.  This family is a 4 unit family which includes 1 husband 2 sons and 1 daughter.  All will be shipped together and I will not part them out you have to take them all!
                 Let me tell you a little about what you would be getting, 1. 1979 model husband, He is a good worker but does require some of encouragement.  He makes great use of that old recliner nobody else wants to sit in.  He will keep the grass mowed ( call today and I will throw the lawn mower in for free) He makes sure you feel needed by leaving little jobs for you to do.   He requires very little maintenance  and has been properly trained to put the toilet seat down.   He is great for the person who likes dirty socks in the floor and long naps on the couch. As a bonus he will play video games at night and leave you to sleep alone.
     up next we have the second unit a 2000 model son.  He is a little used with a few wear and tear spots on him but nothing a little soap will not buff out.  He is very quiet and well mannered. With him you will never need to waste another container storing left overs, there will be none.  If you are trying to cut back on snacks and soda this is the unit to have. He will consume everything so fast you will not have time to eat anything. You don't have to buy him pants because he will wear shorts with his socks pulled up to keep his legs warm ( I guess that's why he does it) . He is a great looking unit and is fully trained for taking care of himself with small reminders.  Like the husband unit he will make you feel very needed by leaving little jobs for you to do.

 The third unit is a 2004 model son. This unit is so cute you will over look his attitude.  (due to company policy I do have to warn you that sometimes his asshole attitude may effect you or others around you. please take caution with this one ) He is a easy eater since he will only eat chicken ( just not Tyson chicken, or any chicken with a bone in it)  He is very entertaining , He likes to dance like Michael Jackson ( a great crowd pleaser, imagine your next cookout with your very own dancer)  He loves star wars and is willing to teach you anything you don't want to know.  He is partially trained , He  forgets to put the toilet seat down and may or may not do jumping jacks while using the toilet.  He should be easy to finish training with a little effort. 

The last and final unit is a 2007 model daughter.   This unit comes preloaded with tons of  sass and music.  ( I will throw in 1 frozen dvd with this unit)  This is the perfect unit for any person wanting to brush up on their arguing skills.  She does require a little more maintenance than the other units but gives the best kisses at the end of the day.   She has had very little training so you can make her your own.  like the other units she can make you feel very needed by leaving little jobs for you and if you are feeling to much love she will remind you easily that she hates you.  

      All 4 units together for 1 low price!    I can ship or meet locally at the nearest Wal-Mart
please contact me today if you are interested in buying this family.  I wouldn't be selling except I need to money for a beach trip.  please make offer !!!!! 

Potty Training Tips from the Bad Mom

                                               Potty Training Tips                                                 

1. Forget the cute little potty it  will be used for everything but a potty.

2. Pull ups only make it easier to run through the house naked

3. Placing poop in potty by hand counts in the eyes of  a 2 year old

4. Having your daughter clap and cheer through walmart yelling yay mommy pee in potty is very embarrassing

5. Dora panties can be used as a hat, mask or a cover for brothers monster trucks

6.Trying to catch their own pee is normal

7. Little girls with brothers will try to stand up and pee at least once or like Sarah a couple times.

8 nobody cares if the flowers fade when wet on the pull up

9. telling your daughter she just peed on Dora can cause a melt down

10. having your child yell bye bye mommy poopy in a public bath room isn't funny.

11. nobody is comfortable with their child wanting to wipe mommy or daddy's butt.

12. sometimes a potty training child just really needs to see the wall color of every bath room from your house to walmart.

13.pooping in the little potty for the Dora doll house Still counts !

14. If your child isn't getting it at first , don't worry I have yet to hear of a teenager not patty trained - they will get it eventually!   

 

 

Fathers day

With fathers day just around the corner I am reminded of how I learned what a real father was. I spend most of my  life knowing there was a difference between the words Dad , Daddy and father, but didn't know what a real daddy could be .Like most women I knew, I  thought the men they showed on movies as daddies were some made for tv type of person that didn't really exist. Dads like Danny Tanner, Bill Cosby and Tim Taylor didn't exist in the world I grew up in except on TV. The men in my life would be  compared more to fathers like Al Bundy and  Homer Simpson. 
         The Fathers I knew  were not care givers, They didn't make bottles or change diapers, They didn't go to school functions or know what their child was allergic too. They "Baby Sat their own kids on occasion but looked at the child as part of the woman's job. No I didn't grow up in the 1940's where this type of behavior  was expected. I grew up in small town USA where Men worked and woman raised children.  I had never met a stay at home dad before. Sure I knew plenty of men who didn't work, but they weren't stay at home dads they were drunks and lazy bums.  The women, even the ones working were still responsible for caring for the house and children. 

   A father was what you became when your child was born, A daddy was a man who stepped up and  provided for his family and  a Dad was when you got to old to say daddy .  My own father was a great daddy, the best Daddy in my eyes of course. He provided for his family, took me fishing and taught me to shoot a gun.  As great as he was he wasn't involved in my life the way my Mom was.  My mom made sure I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, told me all about life and taught me right from wrong and kissed my scraped knees.
 
          When I had children of my own, I fell right into being a stay at home mom like there was no other option. I raised the children and My husband worked long hard hours to pay the bills.  We had a system and it worked great, until my husband lost his job.  Suddenly My whole world was flipped upside down. I have never thought about my husband being around 24/7 and having his input on everything with the kids. I only needed his input when the kids weren't following my rules. " Don't make me call your daddy!" My husband was a weapon that I used to make my kids listen because he was rarely home.  Our system was now broken and I felt like he was over stepping his boundaries. The house and kids were my place that's who I was, I was the mother.  Suddenly all my rules were being broken and I felt out of control.   I didn't know who this man was but he wasn't my husband. My husband had a job and couldn't even tell you what my kids done that day. This man who was playing babies with my daughter, talking to my oldest son about girls and shaving,  and helping my middle son wash his hair, was a man I had never met before.   I felt like I was losing my spot in the family, my spot  as mother. If I wasn't a mother than who was I?  Who was this man, who was trying to undo everything I had done?  My marriage became very rocky as we tried to find our new places with each other. My husband seemed to settle right into being a mom like man. I on the other hand was falling apart inside. I had put all my eggs into the basket of being a mother and giving my kids 100% I didn't know how to do anything else. I became embarrassed over my husband taking care of and playing with the kid all day. I would lie and say he was working because I didn't know what else to say  What do you even call a man who pretends to be a mom?  Even though we still had money coming in there was talk about me going to work.  The thought of me working while my husband stayed at home with the kids was unsettling to me. I didn't want everyone to think my husband was lazy and wouldn't work.  Luckily My husband came into a opportunity to go back to work before that thought got too far.  As soon as he went back to work I regained the reins over my family, I set down all the rules again and felt like queen on my mother throne.
                       A couple months after regaining my motherly power I found a facebook page called The Madness of Mommyhood.   The Madness quickly became my go to page. I loved everything about the page, The laughs, the stories, the advice and even the trolls.  One day something came across my news feed from The Madness of Mommyhood called Dear Dad. I cant remember the exact question but it had something to do with a father not doing what the mother wanted him to do.  I hadn't never seen Dear Dad before so I was confused when I seen the name Brian at the bottom . A man  giving parenting advice to mothers, ha ha  I laughed  to myself (sorry Brian).  Then something happened when I read his advice. .  He had without even knowing it, wrote his advice straight to me.  I read every word knowing I was the type of mother he was talking about. I used words like "My Kids"  " Mine" I made decisions for "My" children and just excepted my husband to follow in suit.  I was so hung up on what I thought a mommy was I never stopped to ask or even allow  my husband to be the kind of dad he wanted to be.   The more I read advice from Brian the more my eyes opened to what a dad could be.   Then I seen other names begin to  pop up in my news feed. Names like Chris, Adam, Brent, Brandon, John, and Jeremy.  These were all dads who were giving parenting advice to women just like me. Women who felt like being a mother gave them some type of control over their family and it wasn't long until I was following every post.   
                 One day I was asked to join the Madness of Mommyhood team as a administrator  and with that I  had the pleasure of getting to know these men on a personal level.  I started liking each one of their pages and learning more about their lives. These were men who were sitcom worthy fathers. They were openly setting a example of  what a daddy should be. As the amount of daddy pages I liked grew, so did my opinion on what made a man a daddy.  A daddy wasn't a man who stepped up and paid the bills A daddy is the man who will watch frozen 10 times because his daughter wants to or a man who will make motor sounds for his sons match box car. A man who stands up and does what is right for his child even if that means letting a bunch of boy scouts camp in his yard or making  little lunch box notes to just brighten their day. A good Daddy is any man who does what he needs to do for his child with a smile on his face.
               My husband is a good daddy I just needed a few dads to show me that is was okay to let him be one.!
 This fathers day  go check out some daddy pages and give them the credit they deserve  and introduce your child's father  to some parenting  pages, let them see the person they are capable of being and let them be it.......


here are some of my favorite daddy  pages 
The cook at Home Dad -https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=401581083213284
The Funny Conversations -https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=585012461516616

DadNCharge- https://www.facebook.com/DadnCharge?fref=nf

Fodder4Fathers- https://www.facebook.com/fodder4fathers?fref=nf

Dad on The Run-https://www.facebook.com/DadOnTheRun?fref=nf

Designer Daddy-https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=159917914026713

Parenting by the Beard-https://www.facebook.com/BeardedParenting

The Daddy Files-https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=217264381619325

One Funny Dad-https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=175736639147326


True Confessions of a Stay at home Dad-https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=327885347257096


Confessions of a Bad Mom- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=264338933731200

The choice of circumcision

    

I found out on my 18th birthday that the little person growing inside of me was going to be a boy and it was time to buy everything in blues, greens, and yellows-- trucks, trains, planes, and cars.
Everybody I met had a little bit of advice for raising little boys, but NOBODY asked me if I was going to circumcise my son . Even to this day, there are many people in my family who don't know whether I circumcised my son or not. It's just not something we talked about. There were no myspace or facebook debates over my son's penis. My OBGYN never asked me if I wanted my son circumcised. They gave me a pamphlet on all my choices for pain management, birthing options, but not a pamphlet on my choices for circumcision. My husband and I picked a pediatrician and called them two weeks before I was set to deliver. I told them I would be delivering a little boy, they said: "call us when the baby is born," but I was never asked even by the pediatrician if I wanted my son circumcised. I was never offered information on circumcision. There were no articles in Baby Talk Magazine; no pamphlets at the doctors office; and no conversations in line at Wal-Mart.

I was so sick my whole pregnancy that I could barely get out of bed. I spent the majority of my time concentrating on getting enough nutrients to my baby while everyone else was concern with how much weight I have gained and how much hair they thought my child was going to have. NOBODY seemed concerned that I was not researching circumcision. I didn't Google; it I didn't go to the library; I didn't even so much as look up the word in a dictionary. It wasn't a word I heard many times in my life other than the occasional re quoted verse from the Bible , my grandmother would say, I knew very little about circumcision yet I was getting ready to give birth to a baby boy.
The day before I went into labor, my mom asked me if I had thought about having my son circumcised, and honestly the thought never crossed my mind. I was so wrapped up in all the greatness of being a mother and having a child I never thought about what to do with my son's penis. My mom tried her best to give me what little information she had and she told me her horrific story of having my brother circumcised.. Exact words to me were: "if you choose to do it, make sure they numb him." My father's opinion was that he needs to look the same as his dad so there is no confusion. My husband said do whatever is best for the baby That was it-- the only conversation I had about having my son circumcised . It didn't weigh on my mind, I wasn't worried or concerned, my thought was I'll have him circumcised, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
When I went into labor I was asked a million questions about myself and my unborn child and all the things I did or didn't want, none of which had anything to do with circumcision. I gave birth at 12:01 p.m. on April the 27th to a very unhealthy little boy. There was such chaos in the moment after his birth 1 minute I am the proud new mother gleaming over my newborn Son, the next he's being ripped from my arms and rushed away. He spent the next day and a half in isolation. There were questions and talk about what to do if he died, I had to sign a living will for my newborn son stating that I wanted them to use every resource necessary to save his life. In the course of the next 3 months they would have to use every single one of those resources. On the third day I was in my hospital bed, guilt ridden for my son's condition because my body failed him. The pediatrician walked in and said: "I'm Dr. Rowlands, and I'm here to circumcise your son." I had not told any Doctor or nurse that I was choosing to have my son circumcised and yet here he stood ready to get it over with. One single form with information regarding the procedure itself and my signature at the bottom was all he needed.
There was no pre op; there was no 24 hour wait. There were no facts, or information for me to think about. It was 'sign on the dotted line and I'll cut it away'. They carried my son off to some room that looked more like a closet to perform this procedure. My mother tried to prepare me for the horror that I was about to witness. She kept saying: "it's going to be heartbreaking to see."

In the next few months, what they did to my son in that closet became less horrifying as I faced what truly horrifying was. A little bloody penis seemed like a paper cut when I walked in and seen 2 large catheters coming out of my sons jugular vein. He had been moved from the closest hospital to a very well known, teaching hospital and nobody asked or commented about my sons foreskin of lack there of. Nobody seemed to care about how or why I made the choice to have the procedure done .
4 years later I found myself pregnant again with another little boy and much like the first go around I did very little researching or questioning I just did what I thought I should do and had him circumcised as well. Once again it was 'sign on the dotted line, and we will get to cutting.'
I had never gave having my sons circumcised a second thought until a mother asked a question about circumcision on The Madness of mommyhood facebook page and the women went crazy. I had never seen women so passionate about their sons' penises before. Like a fool, I commented that my own sons were snipped and suddenly I was Satan herself. I never knew that others would be so concerned with my son's penis and frankly it kind of disturbed me!! These women were talking about my son's future sex partners like they knew them by name. They were worried about my son's sex life and I was trying so hard to not think about my sons having sex at all. I was teaching my children that that was their special place and nobody else needed to know about it, yet I was putting my children's penises on facebook to be debated about, and I wasn't the only one. I didn't stand a fighting chance against the lynch mob moms: I hadn't done research, I didn't know how many nerve endings were in the foreskin, or the risks of having the procedure done. All I could say was "it was my choice" But honestly was it my choice? I wasn't offered enough information to make the choice, was it even my choice to make? I made a choice about my sons' penises without asking them how they felt about it. I didn't even research what I was having done.
When my daughter had to get tubes put in her ears I had to have a preop, blood work, tons of papers to sign, researched on Google and I asked people who I had children who had this procedure done before. I had done nothing when it come to cutting off a inch ( guessing) of my sons' penises. When I wanted to get my daughters ears pierced my husband and I decided it was her ears it should be her choice, but it wasn't my sons choice to be circumcised. I suddenly felt bad for my choice to make the choice for my sons. I felt bad because I could argue I couldn't fight I had nothing to say. It was too late I couldn't change thier mind and they couldn't make my sons foreskin grow back so what was the point in fighting?
I remembered when my first son was very sick and I had to make some tough choices on his behalf. The surgeon sat me down and said " He is your son and until he can make choices for himself you need to make those choices for him" I made the choice then knowing that the machine they wanted to "try " would cause life long problems. I knew all the risks and they were far worse than the loss of sensation in his penis. These were risks of bleeding on the brain, swelling of the heart, and my son never living a normal life. I made the choice in spite of all the risks because it was what was best for my child. Just like I made the choice to circumcision my sons even though I didn't have all the information I didn't know all the risks I made the choice for what was best for my son and that is all that matters!
Do your research , read a book, Google, ask a friend or write into a facebook page and ask for facts. As long as you are making the choice for what you feel is best for your child you can never be wrong even if you later regret it. you done what felt right and that's all the matters.

My mothers story: "In 1978, I was a 19 year old new mother with a beautiful bald baby boy that I instantly was so in love with..that to this day can't forgive my self for what I let them do to my son! On the third day it was time to take my son home...I was excited and scared all at the same time..earlier that morning a nurse came in a bunch of papers for me to sign before we could leave..one happened to be consent for circumcision I wasnt asked if I wanted it or not or if I even understood what it was-- just sign the papers so I could be released. At this point in my life, I didnt know penises didn't come looking like lil turtles! As I sat on the side of my bed waiting for them to say we could go..I heard a baby screaming..I heard my baby screaming..I pushed and pushed the call button..and then took off towards the nursery. Where I was met by my nurse..I was crying and wanted my baby..I was assured he was fine and they would bring him to me in a few minutes, which they did..he was still crying so hard he was gulping for breath..I was freaking out..they then explained that they had just circumcised him and laid him on the bed and opened his diaper to show me this little blood mess..I freaked out and was crying even harder! I had picked my son up and was rocking him ..telling him how sorry I was..the nurses went and got the doctor to help explain what had happened and how to take care of the wounds..I remember the doctor telling more less suck it up..that a new born couldn't feel pain in the first weeks..needless to say my other two children were not born at that hospital ..and I still regret what I had done to my son!"

A Jar of pickles

I kept all the information pamphlets the doctor gave me about my child's milestones and when they should be reached.  I read all the books about how to teach my child and what to teach them.  I went to all the Kindergarten meetings, where a woman with a college degree in early childhood education told me what my child should know.

I was so proud when my daughter entered kindergarten-- she knew all her letters, could count to 20, and could color within the lines. I had taught her everything she needed to know, just like I did her brothers before her.   Sarah was 5 when she started school and was ahead of most of the other children. She was reading on a first grade level by the middle of the year. Even Sarah was taken back by how smart she was.  I was a very proud mother, as all three of my children were doing well in school. They were all meeting or exceeding the expectations the school and I had for them.   It wasn't until the middle of the year, when my dad's mother came to visit, that I learned that there was so much more than just reading and writing that I should have been teaching my children.

Most of my family still lives in Ohio, but when it was time for my parents to move, my Grandmother made the trip down here to help out.  She declared herself babysitter since she wasn't able to do much lifting.  My dad just had foot surgery and was limited on what he was able to do so that left my mom and my own strong back to do most of the work.    We made trip after trip hauling boxes to the new house. We had been going steady for a couple hours when I became worried that maybe we should check in on grandma. My grandma was well into her 70s and I was worried that Sarah might have been a little more than she could handle.  Sarah can be in two places at once, ask a million questions,  cry when she doesn't get her way, and make the mess of 10 kids.  When I came home to check on grandma and Sarah, I was shocked by what I saw!  There sat Sarah with a pair of scissors and yarn everywhere. My grandma was sitting in the rocking chair knitting and Sarah was quietly handing her little pieces of yarn. My grandma didn't even really need the pieces of yarn, but Sarah thought she was helping make a blanket.   My grandmother was shocked that Sarah didn't know what knitting needles were or that you could make your own blankets or that she could make her own pickles. These weren't things I had even thought about teaching her, but they were things she needed to know.  In that small amount of time my grandmother changed how Sarah looked at things, to be honest it changed us all.

All my children knew was go to work, make money and spend money. If something were to happen right at that moment my children, as smart as they are, couldn't survive because they didn't know how to survive. They didn't know about growing a garden, raising animals for food, or how to make pickles.  I, alone, couldn't teach them because I never learned. My mom knew very little because her mom didn't teach her.  I started asking around and I was shocked by how many women and men didn't know  how to do basic things like sew , can soup, grow vegetables, knit a scarf or raise a chicken.   These were things that not so long ago were necessary to know. If as a woman you didn't know how to mend, cook and take care of the farm you were not a suitable wife. My mom and I  made a promise to ourselves, my daughter and  my sons to not only learn how to do these basic things but to teach them, so that one day they will be able to teach their children.
 
This past summer we had a big garden that the kids loved helping with. They loved  picking the vegetables and then helping cook them.   There is something so rewarding about sending your son out to the garden to dig up an onion to use with dinner.  We made a hundred  jars of pickles, We canned  homemade soup and vegetables for the winter. We all planted different berry bushes and fig trees.   This past fall we made our hats and scarfs instead of buying them.  We are raising 6 chickens, 3 roosters 3 rabbits, and 2 turkeys.   Not only has this learning experience been beneficial for the kids, but for my mother and me as well. We are now a team at this and we are now closer with not only each other but  with the kids as well. 

With each passing generation these basic things are disappearing more and more because they are taught less.  Soon no one will know how to even make a jar of pickles. Just Pass your mom's jelly recipe down, plant a garden, can a jar of  homemade soup, maybe even make a quilt together. If you really want to know what your child needs to know, put the books down and ask your grandma.