At the very young age of 17 4 tests all showed the same thing , I was going to be a mother. .. I had no plans on being a mom, honestly the thought of being a mother scared the shit out of me. Even as a very young kid I swore I never wanted any babies, so when I played dolls with my sister I was always just the baby sitter. One Christmas My parents bought me this "feel so real" baby doll that looked just like a new born baby. Back then most baby dolls didn't look real, they would be the size of a 6 month old, but with the hair of a 10 year old. This baby was bald and wrinkly, it weighed exactly 5 pounds and had bones inside its soft gel filled skin. I named the baby Nicole then I beat the baby for crying to much and hung it upside down to watch the gel move to its head giving it a fat face. This was my favorite baby solely because my sister wanted it, and I wouldn't let her have it. The only part about having that baby doll that I liked was having a excuse to buy real baby stuff from the consignment shop next door. I spent every penny I got buying a baby stroller and car seat then hid the Doll under my bed and strapped my cat into the stroller and went walking.
When My sister and I got too old to play with Baby dolls she started baby sitting. She would baby sit every kid in the neighborhood. People would talk about how she was made to be a mother. she had that caring, nurturing side to her that I lacked. While my sister was day dreaming about a family of her own and playing with the neighbor kids I was off in the woods with my new Daisy Cobra BB gun shooting black birds, or sneaking into a pond to try and catch a catfish. I wanted to be one of the guys not stuck at home with some baby.
I was so sacred my whole pregnancy That I had night mares about forgetting to feed him, or leaving him some where. I met other pregnant women at the doctors office who were begging to be induced so excited they couldn't wait to meet their new baby. I on the other hand was begging for 1 more month. 10 months just wasn't enough time to prepare to be a mother. Most women had their whole lives to think about what kind of mom they wanted to be I only had 10 months and most of that was spent helping my at the time boyfriend ( who later became my husband) rebuild a motor in his truck. I would sit there and look at all the new baby stuff I had, and cry. How does the car seat go again? Why didn't they give me one of those planned parenting fake babies to practice with? I was so scared and I just knew I was going to be a horrible mother.
At 41 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy nature kicked in and I couldn't stop it. I cried looking into my own mothers eyes saying " I just want to keep him inside me where I know he is safe" I begged the nurse to just let me go home I promised to come back when I was ready. I was a emotional wreck so much so that I was given a Arbys cheddar melt and a sleeping pill. 18 hours later I became a mother ( oh yeah that boyfriend became a daddy but he is not part of this story ). As soon as I seen my son for the first time I was no longer scared to be a mom.
He was 3 days old at his first doctors appointment and the nurse called me up to the window. Every parent in there was staring at me but I had no idea why until the nurse pointed out that I had forgot my baby! I left him sitting in his car seat sitting on a bench, oh god it was all true I am going to be a Bad mom!!!
14 years and 2 kids later, I was called a bad mom for the first time. Here I was so proud of myself 14 years of being a mother and social services didn't know me by name. 14 years and everybody was still in one piece including myself. I had never been called a bad mom before . It wasn't so much the words of the 10 + lynch mob moms on facebook as much as it was the reason they called me a bad mom. They didn't know that I left my newborn baby on a bench, or that I clipped his skin the first time I cut his finger nails. They didn't know that I rode around one day without my middle sons car seat buckled into the car . These judgmental moms didn't know that I let my kids ride a bike without a helmet. They didn't know that I once knocked my daughters front tooth out on the slip in slide or that I let my kids listen to Waylon Jennings and Kid rock.
These women who felt the need to cut me down had no clue what mistakes I had made as a mother All they knew was I was different and that made me a bad mom. They didn't care about all the things I had done right with my kids they only cared about the one thing they felt I done wrong. The moment I was labeled as a Bad Mom nothing else I said mattered and these lynch mob moms waited for me to say something so they could personally attack me again and again. Never tell people you clean your kids room! according to those women I am raising lazy children who will grow up to live off the government or end up in prison..
I choose to start the page Confessions of a Bad Mom not only to say F-you to the bitchy picture perfect moms with a closet full of their own parenting mistakes but also to give other parents a place to laugh at my mistakes with me and know they will not be judged for their own. I dont care what mistakes you have made as a parent as long as you don't have a kid tied up some where ( no longer than a hour if they are a teenager) Its not my place to judge someones parenting, I think we do that enough to ourselves in the mirror every day .........
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