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Everybody I met had a little bit of advice for raising little boys, but NOBODY asked me if I was going to circumcise my son . Even to this day, there are many people in my family who don't know whether I circumcised my son or not. It's just not something we talked about. There were no myspace or facebook debates over my son's penis. My OBGYN never asked me if I wanted my son circumcised. They gave me a pamphlet on all my choices for pain management, birthing options, but not a pamphlet on my choices for circumcision. My husband and I picked a pediatrician and called them two weeks before I was set to deliver. I told them I would be delivering a little boy, they said: "call us when the baby is born," but I was never asked even by the pediatrician if I wanted my son circumcised. I was never offered information on circumcision. There were no articles in Baby Talk Magazine; no pamphlets at the doctors office; and no conversations in line at Wal-Mart.
I was so sick my whole pregnancy that I could barely get out of bed. I spent the majority of my time concentrating on getting enough nutrients to my baby while everyone else was concern with how much weight I have gained and how much hair they thought my child was going to have. NOBODY seemed concerned that I was not researching circumcision. I didn't Google; it I didn't go to the library; I didn't even so much as look up the word in a dictionary. It wasn't a word I heard many times in my life other than the occasional re quoted verse from the Bible , my grandmother would say, I knew very little about circumcision yet I was getting ready to give birth to a baby boy.
The day before I went into labor, my mom asked me if I had thought about having my son circumcised, and honestly the thought never crossed my mind. I was so wrapped up in all the greatness of being a mother and having a child I never thought about what to do with my son's penis. My mom tried her best to give me what little information she had and she told me her horrific story of having my brother circumcised.. Exact words to me were: "if you choose to do it, make sure they numb him." My father's opinion was that he needs to look the same as his dad so there is no confusion. My husband said do whatever is best for the baby That was it-- the only conversation I had about having my son circumcised . It didn't weigh on my mind, I wasn't worried or concerned, my thought was I'll have him circumcised, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
When I went into labor I was asked a million questions about myself and my unborn child and all the things I did or didn't want, none of which had anything to do with circumcision. I gave birth at 12:01 p.m. on April the 27th to a very unhealthy little boy. There was such chaos in the moment after his birth 1 minute I am the proud new mother gleaming over my newborn Son, the next he's being ripped from my arms and rushed away. He spent the next day and a half in isolation. There were questions and talk about what to do if he died, I had to sign a living will for my newborn son stating that I wanted them to use every resource necessary to save his life. In the course of the next 3 months they would have to use every single one of those resources. On the third day I was in my hospital bed, guilt ridden for my son's condition because my body failed him. The pediatrician walked in and said: "I'm Dr. Rowlands, and I'm here to circumcise your son." I had not told any Doctor or nurse that I was choosing to have my son circumcised and yet here he stood ready to get it over with. One single form with information regarding the procedure itself and my signature at the bottom was all he needed.
There was no pre op; there was no 24 hour wait. There were no facts, or information for me to think about. It was 'sign on the dotted line and I'll cut it away'. They carried my son off to some room that looked more like a closet to perform this procedure. My mother tried to prepare me for the horror that I was about to witness. She kept saying: "it's going to be heartbreaking to see."
In the next few months, what they did to my son in that closet became less horrifying as I faced what truly horrifying was. A little bloody penis seemed like a paper cut when I walked in and seen 2 large catheters coming out of my sons jugular vein. He had been moved from the closest hospital to a very well known, teaching hospital and nobody asked or commented about my sons foreskin of lack there of. Nobody seemed to care about how or why I made the choice to have the procedure done .
4 years later I found myself pregnant again with another little boy and much like the first go around I did very little researching or questioning I just did what I thought I should do and had him circumcised as well. Once again it was 'sign on the dotted line, and we will get to cutting.'
I had never gave having my sons circumcised a second thought until a mother asked a question about circumcision on The Madness of mommyhood facebook page and the women went crazy. I had never seen women so passionate about their sons' penises before. Like a fool, I commented that my own sons were snipped and suddenly I was Satan herself. I never knew that others would be so concerned with my son's penis and frankly it kind of disturbed me!! These women were talking about my son's future sex partners like they knew them by name. They were worried about my son's sex life and I was trying so hard to not think about my sons having sex at all. I was teaching my children that that was their special place and nobody else needed to know about it, yet I was putting my children's penises on facebook to be debated about, and I wasn't the only one. I didn't stand a fighting chance against the lynch mob moms: I hadn't done research, I didn't know how many nerve endings were in the foreskin, or the risks of having the procedure done. All I could say was "it was my choice" But honestly was it my choice? I wasn't offered enough information to make the choice, was it even my choice to make? I made a choice about my sons' penises without asking them how they felt about it. I didn't even research what I was having done.
When my daughter had to get tubes put in her ears I had to have a preop, blood work, tons of papers to sign, researched on Google and I asked people who I had children who had this procedure done before. I had done nothing when it come to cutting off a inch ( guessing) of my sons' penises. When I wanted to get my daughters ears pierced my husband and I decided it was her ears it should be her choice, but it wasn't my sons choice to be circumcised. I suddenly felt bad for my choice to make the choice for my sons. I felt bad because I could argue I couldn't fight I had nothing to say. It was too late I couldn't change thier mind and they couldn't make my sons foreskin grow back so what was the point in fighting?
I remembered when my first son was very sick and I had to make some tough choices on his behalf. The surgeon sat me down and said " He is your son and until he can make choices for himself you need to make those choices for him" I made the choice then knowing that the machine they wanted to "try " would cause life long problems. I knew all the risks and they were far worse than the loss of sensation in his penis. These were risks of bleeding on the brain, swelling of the heart, and my son never living a normal life. I made the choice in spite of all the risks because it was what was best for my child. Just like I made the choice to circumcision my sons even though I didn't have all the information I didn't know all the risks I made the choice for what was best for my son and that is all that matters!
Do your research , read a book, Google, ask a friend or write into a facebook page and ask for facts. As long as you are making the choice for what you feel is best for your child you can never be wrong even if you later regret it. you done what felt right and that's all the matters.
My mothers story: "In 1978, I was a 19 year old new mother with a beautiful bald baby boy that I instantly was so in love with..that to this day can't forgive my self for what I let them do to my son! On the third day it was time to take my son home...I was excited and scared all at the same time..earlier that morning a nurse came in a bunch of papers for me to sign before we could leave..one happened to be consent for circumcision I wasnt asked if I wanted it or not or if I even understood what it was-- just sign the papers so I could be released. At this point in my life, I didnt know penises didn't come looking like lil turtles! As I sat on the side of my bed waiting for them to say we could go..I heard a baby screaming..I heard my baby screaming..I pushed and pushed the call button..and then took off towards the nursery. Where I was met by my nurse..I was crying and wanted my baby..I was assured he was fine and they would bring him to me in a few minutes, which they did..he was still crying so hard he was gulping for breath..I was freaking out..they then explained that they had just circumcised him and laid him on the bed and opened his diaper to show me this little blood mess..I freaked out and was crying even harder! I had picked my son up and was rocking him ..telling him how sorry I was..the nurses went and got the doctor to help explain what had happened and how to take care of the wounds..I remember the doctor telling more less suck it up..that a new born couldn't feel pain in the first weeks..needless to say my other two children were not born at that hospital ..and I still regret what I had done to my son!"
"As long as you are making the choice for what you feel is best for your child you can never be wrong even if you later regret it. you done what felt right and that's all the matters."
ReplyDeleteThe value judgements embodied in these two sentences are sadly mistaken. Believing that X is best is very different from X being in fact the best course of action. A great deal matters beyond what we believe. Leading a good life is a struggle, and one cannot walk away from that struggle by saying that one has good intentions.
The law, and best practice, require that medical procedures be based on informed consent. What happened to you, and to your mother in the 1970s, was not good enough for informed consent. A major problem is that doctors have yet to research how infant circ might detract from adult sex. Therefore doctors cannot tell you the cons of circ, simply because they don't know them.
Unfortunately, it is responses like this that have made this woman feel the need to write this blog in the first place. I believe what she means is, as a parent, as long as you do what you believe is in the best interest of YOUR child, it should not be up for debate by anyone else or their business. Moms (and dads) should not be making one another feel like less of a parent for the decisions they made, even if they don't agree with one another. Your opinion, even if it is different from hers, shouldn't be stated to make her feel even worse. "Leading a good life is a struggle, and one cannot walk away from that struggle by saying that one has good intentions" seems to imply that you don't agree with anything she has written, and it is not your place to. The latter paragraph also implies you are one of the people that likely get on their high-horse and make mothers feel awful about things like circumcision, ear piercing for little girls, breast vs. bottle, etc. Those are all singular parental choices. Don't make the woman feel even worse.
DeleteThis is a 2 minute read that has changed many lives. Neurologically, the most specialized pressure-sensitive cells in the human body are Meissner’s corpuscles for localized light touch and fast touch, Merkel’s disc cells for light pressure and tactile form and texture, Ruffini’s corpuscles for slow sustained pressure, deep skin tension, stretch, flutter and slip, and Pacinian corpuscles for deep touch and detection of rapid external vibrations. They are found only in the tongue, lips, palms, fingertips, nipples, and the clitoris, and in the crests of the Ridged Band at the tip of the male foreskin. These remarkable cells process tens of thousands of information impulses per second and can sense texture, stretch, vibration, and movement at the micrometre level. These are the cells that allow blind people to "see" Braille with their fingertips. Cut them off and, male or female, it's like trying to read Braille with your elbow as a veritable symphony of sensation is downgraded dramatically and the victim is sub-normalized for life. A woman can live without the sensitivity of the visible part of her clitoris. A man can live without the mobile and most sensitive part of his penis. Both men and women are better off with their natural fine-touch parts undiminished - intact. And so are their sexual partners. Like a child blinded at birth, the victim of partial penis amputation may never understand what was lost, but the loss is still real. Honest and honorable people don't try to excuse such cruelty with smoke and mirrors. Male or female, infant or adult, forced genital mutilation is a clear violation of human rights. I hope you will be strong enough to break the chain of violent sexual abuse in your own family. Please Google The Ridged Band and The Lost List.
ReplyDeleteFor much of the early 20th century, babies were circumcised without even asking the mother, or so pressuring her that she thought it was required by law, or at least by the hospital. Thus circumcision became the norm, and the foreskin became regarded as "extra", and as "just a flap of skin" which needed to be "snipped".
ReplyDeleteSo a generation grew up with very little choice, and when choice, in the form of informed consent, became required in 1962, mothers were told very little about what was involved, and parents were told "everyone does it" and "a boy should look like his father" with no reason or evidence. Doctors too were circumcised if male, so they knew nothing of what they were missing, nor any of the many alternative treatments for the occasional foreskin problem. Thus many boys and men "had to be circumcised", generating many more excuses.
So now, circumcision is promoted to mothers as "an important decision you must make" but nobody tells her the downsides, the risks and certain harms, the functions of the normal foreskin, and certainly not the human rights of the person at the heart of the issue. and she may be asked again and again until she gives the "right" answer.
Now, thanks to the Internet, men who hate what was done to them, and mothers like you who were lied to, can make themselves heard, and slowly the tide is starting to turn.
Circumcision has done me no favors! I love when my wife and I partake in one of the most intimate and beautiful experiences in life, but for me it can be a very dark experience on occasion because part of my body was altered against my will. Without the mechanical lubrication provided by a foreskin, I have to use an artificial lubricant or sex would be too painful for my wife and me. Climax is not the same for me as it is for my wife or for Natural (Intact) males. They describe orgasm as a wave all over the body, while a mutilated male (circumcised) expresses it as a singular explosion (bordering on pain) from the penis. Imagine not wanting your wife to touch you as you lay crying on your back from shame and pain due to sores caused by abrasion and/or at times a complete and total loss of erection and feeling. The foreskin contains 20,000 fine touch nerves (like in your fingers) and provides protection of the glans (head) keeping it soft and sponge like, all in an effort to ensure everything works properly. My parent's chose this painful and unsatisfactory sex life for me and my wife and I simply cannot fathom why. I would never have chosen to have my foreskin removed. Only 1/16,667 intact males will have a problem with their foreskin, 99% of which can easily be treated without surgery. One hundred and seventeen babies die from circumcision a year in the US, which equates to 9/100,000 babies that die each year from a cosmetic surgery. Men have lost their penis, glans, and suffered from deformity caused by the operation performed when they were infants. It isn't right that these children pay the price for a decision that their parents made, a decision that should be left up to the owner of the penis. Even those who survive still have problems like mine, though they are seldom discussed.
ReplyDeleteElephant in the Hospital
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Learn how sex is supposed to work.
Www.sexasnatureintendedit.com
How to properly care for a natural Penis.
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/basic-care-of-intact-child.html
They didn't tell you the functions of the foreskin, but they did lie to you and said it had health benefits. Did they also tell you it pays for their house, their cars, and their children’s college? It is illegal to sell an organ taken from a patient but they still do it.
Foreskin for sale: $155/500µg = $310,000/g = $8,788,345/oz.
http://www.rockland-inc.com/Product.aspx?id=4048
My numbers and claims are supported by these studies:
DeleteDutch Medical society and their stance on RIC
https://www.dropbox.com/s/dhipa1ei2rqj12q/KNMG-viewpoint-Non-therapeutic-circumcision-of-male-minors-27-05-2010-v2%20%281%29.pdf
Surgeons of British Columbia
https://www.dropbox.com/s/71xsnx9tjwvych3/Circumcision-Infant-Male-College%20of%20Phys%20and%20Surg%20of%20British%20Columbia.pdf
Doctors around the world critique AAP's circumcision opinion.
http://www.circumstitions.com/Docs/aap-12-europe.pdf
This document outlines the deaths caused by circumcision in the US.
http://db.tt/0LW1FHVy
All the statements made by medical organizations about circumcision, and they are cited.
www.cirp.org/library/statements/
Functions of the Foreskin.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/4zm0mykpufqw2sc/579100_598689960180512_1440738046_n.jpg
Breast cancer kills more men than anything related to the foreskin.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/wo161ml0b2il2v7/1932793_10152369470638083_96352472_o.jpg
American Cancer society says Circumcision does nothing to affect cancer rates.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/a25v8xtgl4roq0x/1890470_10152369470883083_1837031818_o.jpg
Meta-analysis of circumcision research
http://www.hindawi.com/isrn/urology/2013/109846/
Circumcised men have a 450% great chance of ED
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/08/does-circumcision-cause-erectile-dysfunction.html
All the common myths about circumcision and how they are dispelled.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/myths-about-circumcision-you-likely-believe
Boy wants to be a girl after botched circumcision. There are many cases like this however they usually occur in infants who cannot express themselves in words.
http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/11/09/52144.htm
Cost benefit analysis of circumcision.
http://mdm.sagepub.com/content/24/6/584.abstract
US Navy Study that shows circumcision has no effect on HIV or STI infection rates.
http://www.dtic.mil/cgi-bin/GetTRDoc?AD=ADA458066
Circumcision is PAINFUL!
http://www.circumstitions.com/Pain.html
Men upset about being circumcised against their will.
www.mendocomplain.com
Visual comparison of a Natural Penis versus a circumcised one. (Warning pictures of Genitals)
https://www.dropbox.com/s/hile9g5rbon46x1/1148865_610083042409440_1662068036_n.jpg
Note the faces BOTH victims make. One is male, the other female.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/gcwd6dof26x9gyc/1380094_598713180178190_1272291232_n.jpg
Three Videos of Circumcisions they are very graphic.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xjkd30_infant-circumcision-injection-and-procedure_news#.UYWGx7Vn7pI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXVFFI76ff0&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MDuDhkiDdns
Modern babycare books published in Europe don't mention genital cutting, because we don't do it! It also looks as if we shall be among the first to prosecute the greedy medics who do.
ReplyDelete